copyright 2007 Rebecca Peck
“There is absolutely no way in HELL I am going with you. I would sooner jump off of this boat and swim through these sharp-toothed –fish laden waters than sail out there with you! Are you out of your fucking mind?”
Is it a scene from the latest action thriller? Hell no, it’s just the rest of Day Six from The Sailing Vacation From Hell! Yes, you read that right, Day Six was so chock full of fun I had to do it in two posts.
Moby Dickhead couldn’t leave well enough alone after he lost the anchor bright and early in the morning; he had to screw up the rest of the day too! After weighing anchor (the spare one) and sailing along for about an hour, I spot Moby Dickhead eyeing the charts once again. Knowing full well that this can only lead to more loss of equipment, money, and possibly life, I ask him what he’s up to.
“Oh, I was just looking at the chart. I don’t think we should take Big Spanish Channel back to the oceanside,” he says.
“Isn’t that the last channel we can get through?” I ask. “We don’t have any other gulfside charts that go further east.”
“Oh, we don’t need a chart,” Moby Dickhead replies confidently.
(Insert first three sentences of story here). Yes, that’s me, finally having the expletive-hurling breakdown this wonderfully calm and relaxing vacation has induced.
“DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO ONE FUCKING WORD THE BOAT PEOPLE TOLD YOU?” I yell at him. “Obviously not, because you’ve done everything that they told you not to do. Let’s recap. Ran the boat at night, got stuck on a rock, now the bilge pump runs all the time. Full sail in a storm, boat hook washed overboard. Boat in gear while anchored, anchor line run over, anchor lost at sea. The only rule you haven’t broken yet is sailing without a chart. There is no way in hell I am going along with that. We could be stuck out in the middle of nowhere for days!”
Moby Dickhead looks at me, shrugs, and says, “I guess we’ll just go through Big Spanish Channel.”
So we keep on sailing. To Big Spanish Channel. With the chart. The sky is blue, things are relatively calm, and even the dolphins come alongside and race with the boat, frolicking beside us in the warm blue water. We spot the markers for the channel, take down the sails, and turn on the motor so we can maneuver into the waterway. The lovely sound of keel grinding on sand suddenly cuts through the still, peaceful air.
“What the hell’s going on,” yells Moby Dickhead, “I thought this was deep enough for our boat?”
“That’s what it says on the chart,” I reply.
Then I notice some fine print on the chart: “Channels may shift due to shoaling” or some damn thing. We spend a frustrating hour, moving forward and then reversing, trying to find the damn entrance to this channel. All the while, the dolphins are just a few yards away, playing and frolicking in the water. Then it hits me.
“Dolphins are pretty big, don’t you think they’d need more than a few feet of water to play and jump around like that?” I ask.
“Who gives a fuck about the damn dolphins?!?!’ screams Moby Dickhead. “We need to find the damn channel entrance!”
“They’re playing in the damn channel, you idiot! Steer the boat over there, that’s where we need to be!” I reply.
Lesson #8: In many instances, dolphins are smarter than men.
Needless to say, the dolphins were in the right place at the right time, and we slowly made our way into Big Spanish Channel. So ends Day Six, finally!
Did I ever tell you that I love dolphins?
39 comments
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May 3, 2007 at 11:49 pm
mistygold33
OMG,
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
I personally would be in jail right now. Not typing about this excursion!
Because i would have fucking killed him at day 3!!!
Too funny!
t
May 4, 2007 at 1:37 am
jan
LMAO at lesson 8!
May 4, 2007 at 9:06 am
Marta Vonnegut
that’s pretty hilarious…heed the dolphins!! They were probably saying amongst each other “Look at those human dorks! They are completely clueless, they are beaching their boat on the sandbar. let’s take pity on them and help them out! Over here, dumb humans!! Over this way!!!”
This is really great, r. Bravo!
May 4, 2007 at 1:48 pm
rebecca
Yes t, we Libra’s will put up with alot!
Hi jan! Glad you enjoyed it!
Marta,
I swear to this day that they were all over there giggling at us.
r
May 4, 2007 at 2:37 pm
margot
Thank GOD for the dolphins. iuhyvfghjkkjbnm,. vbnm,vbn…sorry Herr’s potato chip grease on keyboard…multi-tasking here…
This story is too good.
I can’t wait for the next episode…webisode…blogisode?! You get my drift.
May 4, 2007 at 6:47 pm
laurenferguson
Considering that you are a Libra, I understand why you have been on this boat 6 days wayyyyyy toooooo lonnnnnggggg.
I am glad to hear that you found the hootspa, gumpshun, BALLS!!! to finally open your mouth and put down your foot.
See I would have had to put out the dingy and make him sit in it and call the coast guard to come get me.
You make me laugh.
Lauren
May 5, 2007 at 11:55 pm
mistygold33
Happy National Scrappin Day Everyone!!!!!
Where is everyone?????
t
May 7, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Marta Vonnegut
Heeeloooo! (…heeloooo!…heeloo!…helooo!)
wow. it’s so dead around here, there’s even a echo!
Tough Monday, gps?
I’m off to bed, it’s 2:43am here in Barcelona, and I’ve been farting around on this computer WAY too long.
Hope everyone’s having a good day.
bfn, lisa
ps. waiting with “baited breath” (get it?!?! Fishing story–baited….!!?!?! har har har) for the next installment, r!!!
May 8, 2007 at 8:33 pm
gloria
GOT MY STUFF IN THE MAIL TODAY!! can’t wait to use lots of it. gotta think of something i keep in my pockets…all i can think of is tampons and pads thanks to margot i think it was??
later
g
May 8, 2007 at 8:36 pm
gloria
GOT MY STUFF IN THE MAIL TODAY from BD!!!!!!!!!! it is so exciting getting boxes in the mail. now i just have to think about what i keep in my pockets BESIDES tampons and my gun…
g
May 8, 2007 at 9:49 pm
mistygold33
Got my stuff today too! YAH!!!!! Thanks sooo much r!
I seem to have tampons on my mind also! Thanks Margrot!!
Ha ha
I cant wait to get at it!
Thanks again R!!!
t
May 8, 2007 at 10:51 pm
gloria
as you can see i was so excited that i posted twice. it was because i didn’t think it was appropriate to admit that i carry a gun around with me in my pocket for my first post, but then i thought, “hey, my gp’s would totally understand that!!”
g
May 8, 2007 at 11:43 pm
mistygold33
of course we understand or should I say I understand…i pack too!
ha ha
t
May 9, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Marta Vonnegut
I wanna read more! I wanna read more! (of the SVFH, that is…)
May 9, 2007 at 8:33 pm
vintagegirlmodernworld
t,
So glad you got your stuff!! I thought NSD was Nat’l SOCCER Day, my mistake. Spent the morning at soccer, then scrubbed the kids and headed to two birthday parties!
g,
Totally laughin my ass off when I read the gun comment! So glad you got your box too! I was afraid you guyw ere never going to get them.
Sorry things have been a little boring around here, my allergies have been really kickin my ass and I am exhausted from fighting for air ( allergy asthma). I am hoping for rain so some of this pollen will stop floating around.
r
May 10, 2007 at 4:01 am
Marta Vonnegut
Okay, I assume you are also including that hand gesture/body thing that he does after he sings “wish it would rain”….that’s too fonneh!
“Raise your HAND to the LORD up in the HEAVENS
and lemme hear you say HALLELUyA!!!
Can you imagine standing in the line up at the bank and running into a neighbour, chatting about your allergies and at a key moment you say “yah, I wish it would rain” and do the hand thing, like some wierd “body tick”!?!?! That would be so funny.
May 10, 2007 at 4:04 am
Marta Vonnegut
ps. I feel for you with the allergies. It so sucks. I don’t have chronic ones but I did react a few times to “something”–maybe the European pine pollen in the spring a few years back and it was just HELL. I was a red-eyed, snot-dripping, sinus congested thing from the swamp…and it fogs up your brain a helluv a lot too. Allergies so suck!
Hope you’re feeling better soon.
Hey, what about homeopathy or Bach’s Flower Remedies??
May 11, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Marissa
I just want to wish everyone a happy mother’s day. Have a wonderful weekend.
May 11, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Marta Vonnegut
Ditto!
Cheers, Salut, Chin chin and Kanpai to all you Moms out there!
(and aunties and step-moms, and godmoms…and grammas, and gramma’s to be!!! 😉
We had Mom’s day last Sunday here in Spain don’t ask me why it’s a week sooner!?
May 12, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Marissa
Has anyone started their cards yet. sorry to be a dork, but i really have no clue what to do. any ideas to throw out to me . i’ll be awaitin.
May 12, 2007 at 11:49 pm
mistygold33
Hey Marrissa,
Iam also stumped!!!! My creative juices are extremly low!!! I need a vacation to some beautiful city or dreamy place where cute cabana boys bring me an ice cold beer or strawberry margarita and want nothing more then to……. Oh god, who am i kidding.
t
May 12, 2007 at 11:51 pm
jan
yep, i am all done. I have nothing in my pocket so I didn’t have to do anything to the cards!!!! LOL
May 13, 2007 at 10:17 am
gloria
i haven’t started mine yet, BUT an idea came to me in the middle of the night the other night. I have been so busy with other stuff that i just may have to give up scrapbooking!!
i will throw out some ideas…think “worldy” i.e., if you had an answer to a problem, for example, sadness in the world, you keep the answer in your pocket. so stamp the pocket with “the answers lie within” or some other catchy phrase and then go find a comic book with someone laughing out-loud and tear the image and put it in you pocket!
bad idea?
how about, a bouquet of flowers? You know, all you moms out there that have had how many bouquets of dandelions given to them over the years, i know when i get them i always tuck them into my back pocket of my jeans. you could again stamp the pocket with a quote, ink it up, add a pressed flower or 2 (that’ll give you something to do today, go pick some spring flowers and press them between the pages of a big fat dictionary) and then glue a little bouquet of flowers onto the card and leave a bunch of room for journalling a really special memory.
another bad idea? what about picking a couple of words to define, stamp “my private dictionary” on the pocket and on the card, define some of your fave words, such as i do with “sh”, BD’s”, “pitas”, things like that. you all have them, i know it. fell free to share them! we may start our own trend of certain words. AND we may rid the world of that fucking stoopid “yummy” word!!!!!!!!
another bad idea? i will shut my mouth now.
g
May 13, 2007 at 12:53 pm
mistygold33
I always love your ideas!!! It amazes me how outside of the box you think@! I wish I could …I try and try and it doesnt seem to work!
t
May 13, 2007 at 12:53 pm
mistygold33
Jan,
You make me laugh!!!!
t
May 13, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Marta Vonnegut
I like g’s ideas!! she’s so FUNNEH.
I haven’t done my cards yet (getting there…getting there) but I was also rolling around some ideas in my little pea brain, so if they are any inspiration for anyone else, feel free:
I was thinking you could ask yourself “If I could only take ONE THING with me (in my pocket–but it doesn’t have to be pocket-sized, obviously), to a desert island (or another galaxy, if you are so inclined, like ONE of us here is, I know!! ;)) …what would it be???!!!
…would it be a feeling, a particular person, a particular memory, a value, a personal trait, an object…????
HMMMMMMMmmmmmm!
😉 lisa
May 14, 2007 at 12:14 am
jan
it would be a bowl of jungle soup.
So, I am going to dip each card in tomato soup and use my jungle stamps.
May 14, 2007 at 12:49 am
Marissa
i love it all. g your brain works a million miles an hour !!! I LOVE IT!!!
jan i was thinking the same thing…do nothing but i don’t think that would go over to well.
T- i know what you mean..i want a thought an idea anything to come to my mind…and you know what blank blank blank…but i’m going to reread what g said and hopefully her creative mind is going to sink into my brain.
lol
marta..getiing there means you have an idea.
well g if you come up with more stuff i’m ready willing and able.
i hope everyone had a great day!! i did!!
May 14, 2007 at 9:00 am
Marta Vonnegut
so I’m freaking out here–I was poking around BB looking at what’s new in the general gallery. Check out the journal pages by user “wilko”!! They are unfrickingbelievable. A-May-Zing.
If you click on her user name you get the link to her personal page, where there is more info on the “Elephant Book” she made for her friend.
What a work of art.
I sure have a lot to learn (and I’m ready, willing and able, like Marissa says!! 😉
Hope everyone has a great day. We started ours out here with a huge thunder and hail storm. It was so nice not to have to get up, and just stay in bed, with Annie sleeping through the whole thing, listening to the ruckus outside…nothing like a lazy Monday! Cheers, all! 🙂
May 15, 2007 at 9:44 am
Margert
I started mine (pockets that is) and you’ll have to wait til you get them to see what I put in my pocket 😉
I did image transfer to the cards themselves (transferred patterned paper to the card) cause I wanted the lines of the cards to peek through. Course that’s now all on hold this week cause I got the brainy idea to paint my studio with Venetian Plaster and while I totally love how it looks, it’s taking f’ing f-o-r-e-v-e-r!!!
May 15, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Marta Vonnegut
ohhhhhh, Marget, this sounds groovy! can’t wait to see it!
It was just sort of hitting me–having a card done by each of you…I’m getting all excited!! (in the crafty sense, not the Barry White, sense, don’t get me WRONG!?!?!? 🙂
hope everyone is having a good week…
May 15, 2007 at 4:55 pm
jan
yes, it will be really cool to have the pocket book done by ten different gp’s. i think this is just a wonderful idea!
May 15, 2007 at 11:09 pm
gloria
i FINALLY found a little something that i have been looking for for this project. I appeared out of nowhere…I shall post it on my blog, so go have a look..
g
May 16, 2007 at 1:28 pm
vintagegirlmodernworld
HELLOOOOO GP’S!!!!!!
I have been a neglectful blogger, and I do apologize! These allergies have been kickin’ my ass!! I am slowly getting better, but we now have the annual Dogwood Festival literally fifty feet from our front door, so between having the kids outside to look at the rides every ten minutes, and all of the lovely trees (cough, cough, one of the joys of living on the park), I have gotten a little behind on email. Ah, if only I had a little behind in real life! I hope all of you had a wonderful day on Sunday, and g I love all of the ideas you’ve been throwing out for the cards! Margert, I expect you to show up at my door with Ty and the Extreme Makeover Craft studio team and do my walls too! I want a pic when it’s done.
So gals, I will type my little fingers to the bone tonight to bring you the next installment, stay tuned!
r
May 16, 2007 at 3:07 pm
margot
R
Hang in there! I’m feeling the same…like I need a giant plastic bubble to call my own. It’s misery. I’m going to hack up a lung on the entire class at Ranger U this weekend…they will all be very, very afraid!
I went to High School with Ty…actually graduated with his brother Wynn but I helped with the JV Soccer team that Ty was on. I also graduated with Travis Tritt. Does anyone even care?! Ha.
I’ve been buried under a mountain of deadlines…which are almost finished…almost. PHEW.
I’ve not started my pockets but I do have my concept together…now it’s a matter of execution. Which will take place sometime next week if all goes as planned…which it probably won’t. Does anything EVER go as planned?
M
May 16, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Marta Vonnegut
Re: plans:
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.
(John Lennon)
one of my faves. 🙂
another fave?
(I quote my mother here):
“Housework??!! FUCK the housework!”
🙂 heh heh!
May 16, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Pamela
r thank the lord you are going to continue the instalments I have been checking each morning all the way from Australia
You have given us riotous laughter supping on glasses of wine whilst reading this out to my Husband, we swear that guy must have been one of our good friends!!!
My Husband is convinced you have perished overboard LOL (he thinks it’s all happening in the present) I will enlighten him soooon
May 17, 2007 at 12:18 am
mistygold33
Ha ha Margot,
I care!!!! What was Travis like! He seems so nice! What about Ty???? Or are you totally yanking my ass???
t
May 17, 2007 at 7:47 am
vintagegirlmodernworld
Lisa,
Gotta love your mother for that one!
Margot,
My sister will freak when I tell her about Ty, she has a crush on him.
t, we need some pics of your cards for e’s challenge!
r