copyright 2007 Rebecca Peck

“There is absolutely no way in HELL I am going with you.  I would sooner jump off of this boat and swim through these sharp-toothed –fish laden waters than sail out there with you!  Are you out of your fucking mind?” 

 Is it a scene from the latest action thriller?  Hell no, it’s just the rest of Day Six from The Sailing Vacation From Hell!   Yes, you read that right, Day Six was so chock full of fun I had to do it in two posts. 

Moby Dickhead couldn’t leave well enough alone after he lost the anchor bright and early in the morning; he had to screw up the rest of the day too!  After weighing anchor (the spare one) and sailing along for about an hour, I spot Moby Dickhead eyeing the charts once again.  Knowing full well that this can only lead to more loss of equipment,  money, and possibly life, I ask him what he’s up to.

“Oh, I was just looking at the chart.  I don’t think we should take Big Spanish Channel back to the oceanside,” he says.

“Isn’t that the last channel we can get through?”  I ask.  “We don’t have any other gulfside charts that go further east.”

“Oh, we don’t need a chart,” Moby Dickhead replies confidently.

(Insert first three sentences of story here).  Yes, that’s me, finally having the expletive-hurling breakdown this wonderfully calm and relaxing vacation has induced.

“DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO ONE FUCKING WORD THE BOAT PEOPLE TOLD YOU?” I yell at him.  “Obviously not, because you’ve done everything that they told you not to do.  Let’s recap.  Ran the boat at night, got stuck on a rock, now the bilge pump runs all the time.  Full sail in a storm, boat hook washed overboard.  Boat in gear while anchored, anchor line run over, anchor lost at sea.  The only rule you haven’t broken yet is sailing without a chart.  There is no way in hell I am going along with that.  We could be stuck out in the middle of nowhere for days!”

Moby Dickhead looks at me, shrugs, and says, “I guess we’ll just go through Big Spanish Channel.”

So we keep on sailing. To Big Spanish Channel.  With the chart.  The sky is blue, things are relatively calm, and even the dolphins come alongside and race with the boat, frolicking beside us in the warm blue water.  We spot the markers for the channel, take down the sails, and turn on the motor so we can maneuver into the waterway.  The lovely sound of keel grinding on sand suddenly cuts through the still, peaceful air.

“What the hell’s going on,” yells Moby Dickhead, “I thought this was deep enough for our boat?”

“That’s what it says on the chart,” I reply.

Then I notice some fine print on the chart: “Channels may shift due to shoaling” or some damn thing.  We spend a frustrating hour, moving forward and then reversing, trying to find the damn entrance to this channel.  All the while, the dolphins are just a few yards away, playing and frolicking in the water.  Then it hits me.

“Dolphins are pretty big, don’t you think they’d need more than a few feet of water to play and jump around like that?” I ask.

“Who gives a fuck about the damn dolphins?!?!’ screams Moby Dickhead.  “We need to find the damn channel entrance!”

“They’re playing in the damn channel, you idiot!  Steer the boat over there, that’s where we need to be!” I reply.

Lesson #8:  In many instances, dolphins are smarter than men.

Needless to say, the dolphins were in the right place at the right time, and we slowly made our way into Big Spanish Channel.  So ends Day Six, finally!

Did I ever tell you that I love dolphins?

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