copyright 2007 Rebecca Peck

Here it is, the first installment of  The Vacation From Hell!  Yes, it’s going to be a long one, so I’m going to post it in parts.

“Aw, c’mon, it’ll be fun,” he assures me.

“But I’ve never done it before, “  I said.

“Trust me,” he said, “I’ve done it hundreds of times.”

Hmmm, you’re thinking, is this the start of some illicit affair? Will innocence be lost?  NAW, it’s just the beginning of the Sailing Vacation From Hell!!!!About 20 years ago (back in my beach babe days) my boyfriend decides we should sail through The Keys on vacation.  He assures me that he used to be part-owner of a sailboat when he lived in Annapolis.

“ Was it a big boat?” I ask him. 

“Oh, it was a good size,” he says. 

 Lesson #1: Men always exaggerate the size of their dinghies.

After much hemming and hawing, I agree.  Plans are made, and a few months later, we’re flying to Miami.  When we arrive at the car rental agency, they inform me that they have to charge me an extra $25 a day because I’m not 25. 

But my birthday is in three days,” I say. 

We don’t care,” they say. 

The reason I’m renting the car in the first place is because my boyfriend has no credit card. 

 Lesson #2:  Don’t date a 35 yr old man who can’t get a credit card.

After much haggling back and forth, we finally get the car after putting down a three hundred dollar deposit.We arrive at the sailboat rental place after hours, and locate the boat.  It’s big.  Really big.  The marina  people  have been nice enough to let us sleep on the boat that night, and then check out in the morning.  We decide to head to the store for provisions.

 “Shouldn’t we close the hatch while we’re gone?” I ask. “I think it might rain.”

“No, it’s not going to rain,” says BF.

As we pull up to the store, the heavens open, and a torrential downpour ensues.  By the time we get back to the marina, there is an inch of water inside the nice, shiny, “we just had the floors redone” boat.  Shit!  We spend the next hour mopping it up.   

Lesson #3:  Always trust your instincts.

At that point, I am ready for bed, so I head to the marina restrooms to brush my teeth, etc.  Unfortunately, I am unable to enter said restroom because there is a big, giant barking Doberman tied up at the entrance.  It’s right back to the boat for me.  No big, I think.  I’ll just use the bathroom on the boat.  Nope. Not supposed to while you’re at the dock.  So I spend the entire night hoping I don’t pee the bed.

And so ends Day One.  Only seven more to go.

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